So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
