I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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