She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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