There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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