my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
