called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
