You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
