I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
