you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
