I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
