I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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