Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
