She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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