Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
