I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
