i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
