there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
