remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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