Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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