If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
