Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
