You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
