i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
