That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
