Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
