And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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