I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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