You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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