was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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