Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
