oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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