Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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