So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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