This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
