Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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