i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
