There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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