Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
