Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize