When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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