Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize