I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
