Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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