They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My ATM looks so different sober.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
