are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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