Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
