did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
