Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
