I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
