She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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