I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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