Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
