Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
