Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
