dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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