kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
