What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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