do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
