They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What drink are we having for lunch?
MIDGETS
????
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
