a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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