So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
