i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
