About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
