Cold hands, warm shart.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
