I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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