peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
